Growing up in a religious, Hispanic household, I was taught that intimacy was something sacred and something you only shared with someone you trusted, felt comfortable and could imagine a future with.

I recently shared my first kiss with a guy I had been talking to for a little while and that night I felt emotions I had never experienced before, like vulnerability and a sense of closeness I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. But afterward, I noticed that the moment hadn’t carried the same weight for him as it did for me. What felt like the world to me, felt ordinary to him.

Which leaves me wondering: is intimacy dead or am I just naïve?

I never thought my first kiss would leave me with questions like this. It wasn’t supposed to be this big of a deal, just a moment, just a kiss, but it felt cinematic to me in a way I can’t really explain.

We were somewhere scenic; the kind of place that makes you pause without realizing it. Soft rock was playing on the radio and for a second everything slowed down and it felt like something out of a ’90s rom-com. It was nothing dramatic, just quiet and romantic, which made the moment matter even if it wasn’t meant to.

I think that’s part of why it stayed with me. The setting, the music and just the stillness of it all. It didn’t feel rushed or careless; it felt real. When it was over, I found myself thinking about it longer than I thought I would, wondering why something so small could make me feel so much.

I thought that maybe I was just being dramatic or immature. I was only 18-years-old for crying out loud, can’t a boy be a little emotional? I’ve tried to tell myself that I confused the vibe of the moment and just got into it, but even then, I can’t convince myself that what I felt wasn’t valid. It didn’t come from nowhere; it came from being present in a moment that felt genuine.

I was always told that intimacy should never be treated as something casual, it’s something intentional. You treat closeness with affection, and you don’t do it lightly. When I felt something after the kiss, it didn’t feel strange; it felt natural. Like my body knew what to do before my brain clicked.

Later, I decided to do some research because I was convinced that I’m not the only person that’s felt this before. I learned there’s actual science behind this. Kissing releases oxytocin, a hormone tied to bonding and attachment.

So basically, intimacy creates meaning whether we want it or not. Learning that didn’t make me feel weird, it honestly made me feel better and more understood. Maybe I wasn’t overthinking it, maybe my body was just reacting the way it’s supposed to.

I don’t blame him for not feeling the same way. People experience intimacy differently and not every moment means the same thing to everyone. That doesn’t make him careless, and it doesn’t make him naïve. It just means we walked away from the same moment with different feelings.

More than anything, I’m grateful.

Grateful for the experience and for what it taught me about myself. It reminded me that I want to feel something even if it doesn’t last. That I don’t want moments like this to be empty or easily forgotten.

So maybe intimacy isn’t dead, it’s just quieter now. Or maybe I am naïve, but if being moved by a soft song, a beautiful view and a kiss makes me naïve, then it’s a part of me I hope I never lose.

Diego Hernandez is a writer and may be reached at [email protected].