Between You & Me,  

Can we just talk about the frustrating process of maintaining friendships in our 20s? These are the people who have been with us since high school or elementary; those who saw all sides of us under fluorescent lights. We may have made an unspoken deal that we’re going to be their kid’s godparents or tia/tio; even stand in our weddings. We call them ‘a good friend of mine’ because ‘best friend’ seems too childish, yet it’s magically true.  

Because these are the people that have stayed with us through the changes, because after all, the right people stay, right?  

I desire a lifelong friendship. I’m no stranger to how real and devoted friends should be. The bar for craved and cared friendship has always been high for me. I grew up witnessing my parents, and their best friends, to whom I call family. Funny thing, my parents never intended this to be a lesson, but you bet I took notes.  

I was shown how their dynamic fluctuated throughout the years, during their spurs where they didn’t talk. Even when things were rocky, somehow, they always found their way back to each other. I saw how torn my parents were not being able to have that hand to hold. They went through periods where they only saw each other during wakes after friends’ burials. Yet, I saw how they consoled each other at their parents’ funeral.  

This friendship is gold to me. They’ve normalized boundaries and made a pact not to disclose everything about their romantic relationships or love lives.  

After three decades worth of earnest and cherished friendship —they show up. They’ve been best friends since their mid 20s! At the end, when this group of passionate golden friends meet again on the other side—they’ll leave this lifetime and find each other again.  

They will know they were great friends, because after everything—they were in each other’s corners, rooting and pushing them to win the big fight with life.  

I’m not saying that we must wait until our frontal lobe fully develops to enable such friendship. But what I know is– I just miss my friends. 

 Now, we must schedule an appointment to see each other, only to have plans canceled or postponed. We send jaded texts to the group chat—‘we should hang out soon’—met with radio silence until a meme or nostalgic photo reminds us how we were just kids, before life and time interrupted our prime.  

Are we officially at the ripe age of 23 where we just normalize that we must love each other from a distance?  

I don’t want a perfect friend. I just want my people to care as much as I do. I want passion (from you). I still feel that tug from the string that runs from my body to theirs. Or am I just tugging the string myself? Standing like a fool and dumbfounded as I check if something is attached at the other end. When realistically, they have let go a while back, naturally.  

If we are meant to be lifelong friends—and that is the question—then what is a missed birthday? This bond is already tender and sore. I’m only asking: Was it enough? 

I know what kind of friend I am—whatever you need, I’ll do it. Be informed, to any friend of mine, I’ll always be patiently stationed outside of your door, until you tell me to come in or leave.  

So, after six years, my friends know that when I say, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ I mean it. They know I’ll answer that late text or phone call, just as we did when we were 17. When I give reassurance and say, “I’m happy if you’re happy—I’ll stick by you through whatever you choose,” they know I’ll stay true to my word.  

I’ve expressed my frustration with my mother one Sunday morning between spilled coffee and bittersweet tears. My mother’s words snapped me back into shape after she said this to me: 

You still love like a teenager. (It’s time to…) Grow up.  

She explained that I’m waiting for them like I’m still in high school. Her advice: we must be inclusive with our friend group. It’s not just the five of us anymore. Maturing is realizing our significant others should be considered too.   

Again, if we are made for the long run, then how else are we supposed to have a seat at the table of their reception? Any less, participate in their weddings. This means Our Future entails us inviting each other to our first housewarming party. Being inclusive means hosting my best friend’s gender reveal party for her, and for the man I know she loves, and who rightfully loves her back.  

It all goes back to showing up: If they wanted to, they would.  

We don’t get to choose what family we are born into and it’s especially hard to find people who will love you no matter what, I was just lucky enough to find five of them. Driven by our own with friendships—that’s the greatest gift you can invest in.